A place for crochet lovers to BE

Rant o'Rific

Sisters and Brothers with Hooks,

This website is one of the few safe places I have to rant. The things and people bothering me are not likely to get here to read the post. In reality I know that I should face these things and people head on, but I simply do not have the strength to do it.

I fear that I am having health problems and am hesitant to see my physician. First I do not want to feel like a hypocondriac for something that may be normal. Also, I saw her a while ago as recommended before starting my exercise program because of chest pain. The woman essentially diagnosed me with big boobs. Grant you, I wear an H cup, but really? Chest pain equals that? She said the weight was pulling muscles between my rib bones causing the pain. Right. And because of an EKG, they charged me a second co-pay after the fact even though it was the same appointment. Do I really want to go there to talk to her about both knees aching to where I don't want to walk and depression? I don't want to be told that my knees and mood are in my head and to go home.

As for depression, I moved to Western Washington in 2009. I've been functional, but only highly functional when on antidepressants. I don't like taking pills and do not want to have to be on them the whole time I live here. My support circle is all in Eastern Washington with minimal contact because I don't feel like I should call them for an emotional dump nor do I want to intrude on anything scheduled.

Adding to this heap o' depression, I have been without a car since June. Mind you we are doing okay and sometimes rent a car for a treat, but I have been a driver since the age of 14 and am now 40. That is a long time being used to having a car. A complication with the car...I cannot get to the city pool and rec center from my apartment with the recent changes in bus service.

Enough whining. You get most of the idea. I cry often lately. Thank goodness I have my hooks and yarn. Yarn and Tuesday nights when I get to see a few friends that I have made here is all that is getting me through.

Hook in Hand,

Turtle Kim

Tags: depression, unhappy

1 member likes this

Member Comment by Meladora's Creations on August 31, 2012 at 10:54pm: So sorry to hear about your depression. I always wish I could cheer up someone who is depressed but I depression runs deep and happiness has to come from within. I know it's hard to find something to be excited about, I struggled with this myself for 15 years. I know how it is to just live, waiting til the good Lord takes me, and hopes he makes it quick! Took me some soul searching to find all the things that were making me sad and get past them, even moving away and starting all over again. Seems us humans in general need to make everything new to refresh our souls. This has got to be difficult for you since some of your depression comes from health problems. But if you find yourself unhappy where you are and wish you were back with family, then why not go back? Seems money isn't the thing keeping you there, and being away from your support system is causing you even more stress. Go back and find some place new to call home. You love crochet so make yourself a place full of crochet, pillows for the couch, things for the bathroom, the walls, bedroom etc, will give you a project to keep you busy and give you drive, which always gives me a happy boost when I have accomplished something! Anyway Kim, I am praying for you (even if you don't believe) in hopes you will find the place in your heart where you need to be to put a smile back on your face.

BossLady Comment by Laurie Wheeler on August 31, 2012 at 11:15pm: Kim, just a quick note to let you know the blog post didn't post right away because all posts are moderated and I hadn't got online yet. HUGS

Pick up your hooks, and you did the right thing to reach out to the community you KNOW will support you. You have every right to change physicians if you need to, and all you have to do is ask for a referral to a therapist if you are concerned about depression. MD's are not really trained to deal with depression. Have you found Kathryn's book? She has a lot of helpful resources and exercises to help cope. Also, reach out here., I'll start a group for people who need to touch base to deal with difficult situations.

Thank you for your trust, it is honored deeply here.

Member Comment by Kim Marcham on September 1, 2012 at 7:07am: Thank you both so much. I had (of course) thought I posted wrong. I've got a scarf almost done and a couple of ponchos in the que.